What Is

I know I have been away. Reflecting, indulging in foods that aren't healthy and also just numbing out to television. I got my world rocked. Someone I loved died. Not only did he die he left without saying why. We all desire why when someone young or middle aged leaves without the proper goodbyes. I/We are do want this to be forever. This meaning our lives, world and place in it. Spiritually this isn't so on the physical realm.  It has taken me on a journey of doubt and many questions. I have looked at my own mortality too. What kind of legacy am I leaving? What is love? What is happiness? Really? Am I happy? Did I zig when I should have zagged? I have lost so much sleep I can't get it back. I have tasted a lot of bourbon and Margaretta's too. It means nothing. I have lost my love for a bar and brewery too.

All is not lost. I'm finding me too. Little things really. I know the clock is ticking. The physical life clock and for the first time it matters. I want forever. Forever here on earth in the physical to do all my dreams. Each one that is far fetched in the fantasy realm as well as reality. I desire to jump, climb every mountain yet afraid that I should have started at twenty instead of forty-seven. I'm in treacherous waters of doubt and unknowing. I believe it is these waters that my friend, mentor walked in daily. Bravely doing what he loved doing without fail. Can you sell out to the wild side. Can you ever know what lies on the other side? I believe many things and my peace of mind is blown. As I write this I struggle to get it on even keel. Whatever that is? You see I think it is all subjective. The places where I felt peace and quiet. They are remote places where I can not be connected to the day to day notions of society. I love society yet at the same time can feel confined by its rules, trappings and day to day grind. For me being away from it for a period of time then coming back to it gives it a newness. It allows me to see it clearly, slowed down where I can appreciate it all. 

Spiritually I feel the desire to be still in cold waters. I don't know what it all means yet I do desire to be in places where pavement isn't so prevalent.  Coming out of a fog doesn't always leave to clarity. Looking at myself I see work. Yes lots of work still to get to a place of quiet peace within.  What works is laughter. Yes laughter and moving forward. What has gotten me here is love, peace and letting go. In doubt I still move forward with courage. It is this unknown that I believe is where creativity, divine soothe sayers do dwell.

Well I got that off my chest. Stream of thought and thanks folks for letting me get it done. 

Here is the photo of the month for me. Is the sun rising or setting. It is you who decides.
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